If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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