You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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