My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
