he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
