I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
