I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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