i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
