If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
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How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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