while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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