apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
