You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
