You smell like a Billy Joel song
You smell like stripper and shame
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
