What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
