Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
