careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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