This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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