remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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