is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
do herpes really smell.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
