Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
