I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
