i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
