I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
