He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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