Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
