paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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