worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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