Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
