Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
