He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
