Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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