Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
