oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
