All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
