opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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