I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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