So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
