I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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