you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need to sanitize my soul.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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