I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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