ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
