Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
