You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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