I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
