it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
