I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
