my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
