Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
