I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
