he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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