i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
