Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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