I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
