We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
