So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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