Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
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This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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