Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
