They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he thought i was a dude.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
