you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
