So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you had me at cake vodka
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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