my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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