I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
