My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Mom said you looked used
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
