Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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