If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is it because I queefed?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
