Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
