: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
