i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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