Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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