dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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